The Roast Of Tom Brady: 7 Best Jokes

The Greatest Roast of All Time: Tom Brady was an epic three-hour spectacle, broadcast live on Netflix. The roast surpassed all expectations, pushing boundaries with an unapologetic barrage of comedic jabs. The star-studded lineup featured the likes of Bill Belichick, Kevin Hart, Peyton Manning, Ben Affleck, and also Kim Kardashian. Altogether, these stars gathered to pay homage to the iconic quarterback. As is expected of a roast, no topic was too sacred or off-limits during Tom Brady’s episode. Every facet of his life was hilariously dissected, from Brady's personal life, including his divorce from supermodel Gisele Bündchen, to his notorious vanity, and questionable business decisions. Moreover, the roast explored the dynamics of his relationship with Bill Belichick, revealing the lighter side of their professional relationship. Here are some of the best jokes of the night.

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At Tom Brady’s roast, Nikki Glaser evidently did not come to play. Once she took the stage, she delivered a standout performance of the night. Her set was strong and filled with witty bits targeting Gisele, and Julian Edelman’s apparent admiration for Brady. Glaser's delivery was impeccable, maintaining a high level of comedic energy without dull moments. Speaking about Brady’s ex-wife, she joked: “Tom Brady. Five-time Super Bowl MVP, most career wins, most career touchdowns. You have seven rings– well, eight, now that Gisele gave hers back. The only thing dumber than saying yes to this roast was when you said, ‘Hey babe, you should try jiu-jitsu.’”

Tom Brady truly shone at his roast, displaying impeccable comedic timing. His performance was outstanding, earning him one of the top spots of the night. This was also especially impressive as he is not known to be a comedian. One memorable moment included a witty jab at Belichick, who was famously caught on video leaving a woman’s house the morning after. “Everybody asks me which ring is my favorite,” Brady began. “I used to say, ‘The next one.’ But now that I’m retired, my favorite ring is the camera that caught Coach Belichick slinking out of that poor girl’s house at 6 a.m. a few months ago.”

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Nikki Glaser really came out with her guns blazing for everyone in sight. Despite going after the man of the show Tom Brady, Glaser turned her eyes on Kevin Hart and unleashed an unforgettable roast his way as well. Targeting his stature, she joked: “You really gotta hand it to Kevin Hart ‘cause he can’t reach. No one works harder than this man. Do you know that every morning Kevin wakes up at 4:00 am to make a shitty movie? I love your movies or as I like to call them, short films."

Belichick also got his lick in at Tom Brady’s roast, showcasing his own comedic prowess. While Brady slightly outscored Belichick in the joke department, Belichick certainly left a lasting impression with some of the most memorable lines of the night. “People said that Tom and I butted heads a lot,” Belichick started. “In a way that was true, but not really. It was hard to butt heads with Tom because his was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass.”

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Kevin Hart served as the host of the event and kicked off the evening with an energetic and entertaining set. As Tom Brady's reactions unfolded in real-time, it became evident that jokes about his divorce from Gisele were going to be a recurring roast of the night. In his opening set, Hart went straight for the throat and opened the floor up for future hits about Gisele. “You left Bill Belichick with Mac Jones, god damn! Oh, you f*cked him. You fucked him good. You did Tom, you fucked your coach," he said. "But let me tell you something, people. That’s what you gotta do to maintain your happiness, you understand? You sometimes gotta f*ck your coach. You know who else f*cked their coach? Gisele. She f*cked that karate man.”

Belichick did not restrain himself to only shooting shots at Tom Brady. During his set, he made a playful jab at Gronkowski’s performance. He joked, “A lot of people connect me to the saying, ‘Do your job,’ and telling people to do their job. Gronk, I’ve been watching you on FOX NFL Sunday, and I’m begging you: Stop doing your job. Do another job. Do somebody else’s job!”

Embodying the spirit of the evening, the GOAT fearlessly targeted everyone present, refusing to miss out on the fun. Brady also went for his former Patriots teammate, Gronkowski. In a light roast, Brady stated: “Despite everything we’ve seen here tonight, Gronk was actually useful on the field. Although the bar for Patriots tight ends was pretty low back then: block, catch, don’t murder.” While this was a jab at Gronkowski, it highlighted the infamous case of Aaron Hernandez, his former teammate and convicted murderer. However, not everyone was amused, including Hernandez's fiancee Shayanna Jenkins, who condemned the jokes.

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