The cover to Action Bronson's new album, Mr. Wonderful, shows an illustration of Bronson spread-eagle perched atop a golden staircase. It's inspired by a scene from the 1988 American kung-fu film Bloodsport, in which the main character sits in the same pose overlooking Hong Kong as he prepares for battle. Indeed, much of Mr. Wonderful is inspired by cinema. The lead single, "Easy Rider", takes its name from the 1969 Peter Fonda/Dennis Hopper film, and in the music video, Bronson embarks on his own LSD-fueled Harley Davidson journey across the desert.
Bronson plays many characters on Mr. Wonderful, and you can see the man has an incredible imagination inspired by a life-long love of cult cinema (and high-quality marijuana). The subjects Bronson tackles are universes away from those of your average rapper. While you're repping your set for the 100th time, Bronson is busy concocting expensive dishes you've never heard of, such as "white snake with underwear sauce"; actually, there's nothing fancy about that platter. Even when Bronson's stories frenzy into Fear & Loathing-type absurdity, we're still down for the frequently ridiculous, always hilarious journey.
Bronson closes the album riding his Harley into the sunset, but, along the way, he gets into countless mind-bending scenarios. Here are the 10 most ridiculous scenes in Action Bronson's latest auditory motion picture, Mr. Wonderful.
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"Legs are made of stone, the back of a bridge / In goal line situations, I'll tackle The Fridge"
("Brand New Car")
If Bronson wasn't rapping or cooking (or eating), he'd make a mean Defensive End. Bronson is proud of his sheer mass, which he thinks is enough to stuff William "The Refrigerator" Perry, who played goal line fullback for the 1985 Super Bowl-winning Chicago Bears. Shout out Mike Ditka.
"Living on the edge / Different colored women in my bed / Different colored linens on my neck"
("The Rising")
Mr. Colorful.
"Twisted off the drink, I'm watching Iron Chef / The secret ingredient was lion's neck"
("Terry")
#RareMeats
"Don't even try to call, I'm not available for nothin' / Unless it's stupid paper / Hop out the Studebaker / With Anita Baker"
("Actin Crazy")
Don't bother Bronson while he's cruising with legendary soul singer Anita Baker in an ultra-rare '60s Studebaker. Interrupting a moment like that'll cost you big.
"I know you see me on the TV, lookin' like a hunk of beef / When I smile your baby mama shit her dungarees"
("Falconry")
Disgusting. But amazing.
"Have a fuckin' sleepover with my weapons / My Rambo knife is eating nuggets with my Smith & Wesson"
("A Light in the Addict")
Bronson's weapons get the munchies when they spend the night.
"And I understand it's only 'cuz I'm popular / I'm gettin' topped off in the front row of the opera / As Bocelli sings, the celly rings / I gotta go, you'll never know how good it feels to lay in bed with king"
"Baby Blue"
Must have been an important call to interrupt a stirring sensation like that. Sorry lady.
"A bunch of pussies, when you piss, you gotta be sittin' / You tie your hair in a bun and shirt in a knot / You got the urge to suck the cock of Serge Ibaka / Pictures of naked rappers hangin' in your locker"
("Only In America")
Ouch.
"I'm just a bastard with a bad habit / Bad back in a black Volkswagen Rabbit"
("Galactic Love")
Yeah, that Rabbit definitely ain't a good fit for Bronsolini.
"I had dreams of fuckin' Keri Hilson in my Duncans / Woke up naked at the Hilton with a bitch that looks like Seal's cousin"
("Easy Rider")
Expectations vs. reality. Hey, at least it wasn't Serge Ibaka, who just happens to be Hilson's beau.