Recently, we felt our childhood selves get pimp slapped back to reality with the forthcoming allegations that MTV's "Pimp My Ride" is guilty of deceiving both its viewers and contestants. The monitors on the back of each headrest rarely worked, high-tech contraptions were added just for TV, and contestant reactions were exaggerated. Indeed, some were even prepared for Xzibit's arrival at their front doors! X, MTV, and the two custom body shops--first, West Coast Customs, and, later, Galpin Auto Sports--certainly pulled some stunts on us during the six seasons they were on the air. Here are a few of the most absurd. If these particular vehicles are still in commission, we guarantee they're still the most ridiculous objects on the road.
Share your favorite "Pimp My Ride" moments with us in the comments.
S3E01, "Nate's Ford Econoline"
Nate, a touring musician, and his '85 white Ford van, graffitied with insults such as "YOU SUCK," are the subjects of the first episode of season three. Though West Coast Customs' finished product is a significant improvement on the original, the new van still looks about 30 years too old for Nate to be driving. The crew intended to pimp Nate's ride into a veritable tour bus, and they added more than a few amenities.
As X and Nate chill in the van's new lounge area, Nate looks behind him, and one of the 27" monitors disappears to reveal a full jacuzzi tub, bubbles and all. Aside from the dangers of having so many screens close to a full bath, can you imagine the cost of heating this thing? While driving? Nate goes in fully-clothed for a dip, but it's not surprising the tub is empty when he returns home to show his friends.
S3E02, "Sara's Chevrolet S10"
Sara is a billiards enthusiast, so WCC do the obvious and install a pink pool table in the bed of her Chevrolet pick-up truck. Of course, this presents technical difficulties, so the crew made it so the rear windshield can disappear, in case you need to climb in and play a shot from the backseat of the truck.
They also installed a fog machine under the hood, because everyone knows it's a party as soon as smoke starts billowing out of the grill of your car.
S5E10, "Ellyn's Ford Contour"
Starting in season five, the Galphin Auto Sports (GAS) shop replaces West Coast customs, and the new crew is even more adventurous in its vehicular pimpage. Ellyn, an outdoors enthusiast, had her '96 Ford Contour mauled by a bear on her last camping trip. Of course, GAS fixes the original scratches and replaces them with a custom paint job that includes giant paw swipes that run along both sides of the car.
Despite the paint job, X and GAS actually try to make the car equipped to protect Ellyn from another bear attack. Thus, the team consults Air Cannons Inc. (a real company) and installs a cannon specially designed to shoot salmon eggs from the back of the car. Assuming Ellyn is in the car during the next attack, she can fire off her salmon bullets while she plots her next move--drive away, maybe? The seats in the car are also made of salmon skin. Hopefully this won't counteract the cannon.
S6E15, "Terese's Ford LTD Crown Victoria Station Wagon"
Terese has aspirations of becoming a nurse, so X and GAS decide to transform her station wagon into an ambulance. Because what nurse isn't also a certified ambulance driver? They give the station wagon a hideous paint job that includes a spray-painted Cadeceus, the medical symbol with the snakes entwined around the staff, on the hood, and a heart rate diagram that winds around the entire car.
If that's not enough, the entire backseat is taken out to make room for a mobile CAT scan machine. More fun than your average CAT scan machine, though--as the outstretched patient is surrounded by TV monitors and subwoofers. Now you can get an X-ray, while you ride, listening to Xzibit. In the episode, Mad Mike jumps in for a "check-up," and though he says it's "off the chain," we, unfortunately, don't get to see any of the test results.
The CAT scan isn't the only high-end, potentially lifesaving machine GAS gives Terese. They also present her with her very own defibrillator--the device that gives out an electric shock to the heart in the event of a heart attack. I don't know how a defibrillator works, though I'm sure the guys at GAS can be trusted with the administration of such a device. I guess they have monitors attached to them--to monitor heart rate during a heart attack. This one plays Xzibit videos.
S6E18, "Andrew's Cadillac Fleetwood Hearse"
It's fitting the "Pimp My Ride" series finale features a Hearse. The show has actually gone on to have spin-off shows in other countries, such as the U.K. version hosted by radio DJ Tim Westwood, but this is the last time we'll see Xzibit driving a battered old car through the streets of L.A.
The GAS crew take the car model here as literally as possible, adorning the Hearse in skulls and putting a coffin in the trunk. Now, Andrew's Hearse includes all the necessary equipment. Andrew flips burgers for a living, and, surprise, the coffin is actually a fully-functioning grill. X also gives Andrew a high-end set of chef's knives. Knives, coffins, frozen hamburger meat. We're sure Andrew has had many romantic evenings in his new ride.