If you don't jump around when "Party Up" comes on, you're no friend of mine. At the real clubs, DMX's 90s singles still get spun on repeat. The fact remains he's one of the best selling rap artists of all time. His first three records, two in '98 and one in '99, went 4x, 3x, and 5x platinum respectively. His first two album covers depicted him covered in blood. He brought an aggression to hip-hop that hadn't been seen and likely won't be matched anytime soon. Half-man, half-dog, he's just as known for his barks, growls, yells, and manic ad-libs as he is for lyrics. X hasn't had an easy life, and we feel it in his music. An abusive childhood in the worst part of Yonkers led to addiction problems at an early age. Even when he was releasing platinum records, he was a heavy user. He's been arrested a staggering 18 times. He's fathered 12 kids. His shit is crazy, need I say more? Though we haven't seen much music-wise since the beginning of the millennium, he's still been in and out of the media, mostly because of his outrageous on-camera behavior. The invention of YouTube hasn't always been kind to X, but, lucky for us, I doubt he knows what YouTube is. Here's a selection of some of his best gags on the web. Enjoy.
The title of this clip is a little misleading. You gotta go eight minutes in to get the quick piece of drama. He's asked if he's become a Drake fan yet, and X responds quickly in the negative. They get him hot when they tell him Drake's plans to put out a posthumous Aaliyah album (which never materialized). He then says he wishes he could go back, say seven years ago, and beat Drake up in an elevator. Hmm, I guess that's how it was done back then. But stay for the whole interview. He tells of the time when he made seven songs in a day. He then tells the crew a secret (but don't tell anyone): during the recording binge, he was so amped off the music he had to rub one out after the sesh. Whoops--this is a radio show. An Internet radio show at that. He also reveals what he's looking for in a woman (she better be strong) and claims he's never heard of Kendrick Lamar.
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Man, he made some waves at Power 105. He was pulling out all the tricks, and they got him to do some karaoke. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" just in time for the holidays. Surprisingly, X knows all the words and starts out singing quite gently, though he waves his hands around like he's dropping a battle rap. Then he takes it up a notch, drops his voice a few octaves, and adds his signature "c'mon!"s between each line while banging on the desk. Merry Christmas.
That Time He Was In A Sum 41 Video
No, this isn't a troll. Remember Sum 41? The Canadian teenie punk rock band who had a couple hits in the early '00s. If you're white, you probably bought one of their albums at the Sam Goody (yes that includes me). Anyway, DMX, yes, the same guy singing Christmas carols, made a cameo in the video for the Sum 41 single "Makes No Difference." Don't worry, skip the frosted tips and cargo shorts, and go right to the good stuff. Two and a half minutes into the whitest party that occurred in the year 2000, DMX rides through the living room on an ATV. I'm not going to ask how or why, but I'm glad this exists.
Not Happy To Be In Court
TMZ must be keeping close tabs on X the past several years. They got some courtroom footage of X being ushered in for a variety of probation violations: theft, narcotics, animal cruelty, assault, etc. He walks in, sporting an old-school Kevin Smith jersey, shaking his head, and the fact that the judge starts speaking in Spanish doesn't lighten his mood. After he signs some papers, he notices the camera and lets it have a piece of his mind.
Hood Stop At McDonald's
A day in the life of X, late night in Yonkers. He's at the wheel. (That, right away, should have you worried). He's telling whoever's in the backseat--whoever's filming--about how he can take them cruising through the toughest streets in the area. But first, a Mickey D's stop, the "hood stop." He storms into McDonalds with a purpose: he needs a cup to get his drink on. As he walks in, he spots a friend's mother and pays his respects. When he moves to the counter, it seems he knows everyone in the restaurant, giving a play-by-play to the camera. When he sees the cashier man bringing food outside, he knows something's up. It's the police--surprise, surprise. He gets his cup of ice and heads for the exit. As he's leaving, talking about how he's bout to "mix the blood up," he finds out the woman who he greeted initially isn't his homie's mother, but his aunt. It's all good. No shocking gags here, just a hilarious little trip through a Yonkers McDonalds, with X as your host.
DMX On Dr. Phil
DMX has unsurprisingly been targeted by a few celebrity therapists. Dr. Phil, who's apparently still on TV, had X on a couple years ago, and the two actually kinda hit it off. X talks to Phil about his past addictions and how he's on his way to better days. He does seem sober here, and it's nice to see. A highlight is his recital of the lyrics to "Lord Give Me a Sign," which shows how powerful and inspired his raps can be. The song is one of the many conversations he's had with the Lord, and he's quick to point out he's also had three, precisely, talks with the Other Guy. Yes, X claims Satan has visited him on three occasions. That doesn't mean he rode with the dude--Jesus is still his guy--but he talks to the devil on three of his albums, which I want to go back and listen to right now. Well, not before bed.
Couple's Therapy
In 2012, DMX, along with his wife, Tashera Simmons, appeared on the first season of VH1's "Couples Therapy." At the time, the two had been married fourteen years, though separated for the past seven--due to X's infidelity, among other things. X has fathered twelve kids. He and Tashera had four together. You do the math. In the end, not even Dr. Jenn could fix things between the two childhood sweethearts, and Tashera was ready for a divorce by the end of the show. X doesn't deny Teshera's accusations--quite the opposite. He admits that he's been a dog since the day they met. That's just what it is. As things heat up, X delivers the title line: "I'm gonna (bleep) as many (bleep) as I want to until my (bleep) falls off." Not much therapy can say to that.
DMX On A Roller Coaster
The title says it all. DMX takes a shot at the Slingshot at the Magical Midway theme park in Orlando, and, bless, there's a camera along for the ride. His fear is palpable from the start of the video. "This some scary shit," he yells several times awaiting takeoff, getting louder and louder. Then he just starts to yell period, letting out his famous grunts, growls, and "WHAAAT"s; it starts to sound like the prelude to one of his most raucous raps. His breathing gets faster, he closes his eyes, and as he's launched 400 ft. in the air, he clutches his chain, and looks humbled in the face of sheer terror. When it's all over, X, in desperate need of a cigarette, tries to play it cool, but it's obvious his life just flashed before his eyes.
DMX On a Roller Coaster Pt. 2: Redemption
Apparently people were saying X was "crying like a bitch," after the first roller coaster video went viral--look back and decide on your own. In any case, X wasn't happy and wanted redemption, and that's just what we get as he posts another video of himself against the almighty Slingshot. He's certainly less terrified this time around, though he's still screaming at the top of his lungs the whole time (but when is he not?). And, as he'll point out, there's a difference between screaming and yelling. He claims the latter. He also claims they just came from Buffalo Wild Wings, where they had the Blazing wings with a shot of Hennessy. Yeah, well done X.
The Google Video
You probably know this one well, but it's always good for another laugh or scare, maybe. He's back at 105.1 when he admits he doesn't know how to use a computer. He ain't lyin'. You'd believe he'd never even seen a computer or any device with buttons (though he claims he can operate a phone). The girl asks him to Google himself. Google? What the fuck is a Google?! The word alone infuriates him. After a few seconds of awkwardly poking the thing like it's on fire, he's beside himself. Like furious.