Faithful HNHH readers, this was the day I always feared growing up. As a life-long football fan, I never thought I would have to write about Tom Brady and his distaste for the wet backsides of his teammates. For fear of being labeled as "sus" by the likes of our "passionate" (to put it lightly) commenters out there, I have to preface this by saying I don't co-sign what I'm about to write about, just stating the facts.
Okay, now that we've got that out of the way, let's talk about Brady's biggest fear out on the field: swamp-ass. You're probably thinking to yourself that such a hindrance is natural and couldn't affect how you play that much. Well, for Brady, it's a big deal. In a new piece from The Athletic, Brady's centers confess to how Brady wanted their butts dry so sweat wouldn't touch the ball when it was snapped. This led to some interesting tactics, or antics depending on how you see it.
“I have actually tried to train my body not to sweat,” center David Andrews said. “So, I would sit in the sauna and just try not to (sweat). It didn’t work.”
Damien Woody also chimed in on this story offering up a similar tale. “As a center, I’m like, hell, my job is hard enough. I got to snap the ball. I’ve got a 300-plus-pound man on top of me," Woody explained. "You’re just going to have to deal with the swamp ass.”
Another center, Dan Koeppen, said Brady used to stuff a towel down his pants to reduce the swamp ass. Brady would even pour baby powder down the pants of his centers to get everything dry.
So there you have it, kids, if you want to win six Super Bowls like Tom Brady, you're going to have to become a stickler for swamp-ass. Otherwise, it's gonna be a long, sweaty, stinky career for you.